Things I’ve Learned
Here are a few things I’ve learned in the past few days. Take what you may from them, and interpret them how you wish. I just want to get some of my thoughts into the world :)
Happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive.
In statistics terms, this means that the probability of both happiness and sadness impact one another. For example, if we are given that someone is happy, the probability that that person is sad is different than the probability of any given person being sad. How do I interpret this? Well, I guess just remembering that sadness is a part of feeling happy makes me feel more accepting of my lower moments. I guess it has to do in part with the psychological concept of habituation: over time we grow accustomed to something (basically we do not feel as strongly towards something as it remains in our presence). Habituation happens sometimes at a fault for many things, so by remembering that feeling low is a part of feeling more strongly when I am feeling great, makes things a little easier.
I can’t change people.
I will probably keep telling myself this for a long time. I am trying my best to accept this, but it is hard. I will keep trying though.
“I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you love me for what I am, we shall be happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote is an excerpt from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s work Self Reliance. I haven’t read the collection of essays yet, but it is on my list of things to read sooner than later. When I read this, however, I knew this needed to be applicable to me. There is a list of people I need to and want to say this to. I can’t be anything but myself, and to whom that may bother, I can offer no apology. I guess I shouldn’t be expecting that apology from others either.
No external source will ever be a solution to a problem with myself.
This is another thing I’ve emphasized pretty frequently in my own mind as of recent, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing that an external solution would fix my woes. Emerson also touched on this: “At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. . . . My giant goes with me wherever I go”. I think the passage really captures the idea well. I’m still figuring out a good solution for dealing with my inner turmoil, but journaling has helped so far.
If things are going terribly externally, (friends, family, etc.) our internal is still ours to control and take care of. We do not have to be brought down deeply by those external pressures.
I wrote something similar to this in my bullet journal last night. I can strongly convey my external situation is less than ideal, but remembering that I have control of my internal gives me the confidence I can get through it. Of course, our emotions are not as controllable as say moving a finger, but I can choose myself to take steps to try and keep myself afloat, or at least not drowning. Like I said earlier, journaling has helped me a great deal. Other things that I find helpful are growing the discipline to exercise (still working on this one), painting, drinking lots of water, and reading.
“Don’t be afraid of change. You may lose something good, but you may gain something better.”
This quote is helping me get through some difficult decisions with some heavily weighted sacrifices. I’m really trying to learn to trust myself and do what I truly know is right for me. It isn’t always easy though. If everything were easy though, life would be pretty boring, I guess.
Alrighty, this is what I’ve got for now. Going through the process of just writing these things down has really helped water my optimism seed within me. I think I will leave you now with one of my favorite quotes from the Carousel of Progress in Disney World: “There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day”.
Whatever it is you are going through today, I believe you can get through it and see to another day that you can choose to make beautiful. Goodnight :)
