where have i been, and where am i going

Hello everyone! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

These past few weeks and months have been absolutely… lively. I have tried multiple times to refine my experiences in my journal, but alas, my diction is limited. My life was once caged. My specific set of experiences slugged by, leaving behind a defined trail of slime that I could easily (sorta) define and articulate. Now, I question my perception with every left turn.

Before I was learning.

Now I’m unlearning.

So to leave my temptation for metaphor, I will try to be straight up. So far, I’ve adjusted really well to San Francisco. This city is like a storm of fireflies lighting up the night. Wow, only three sentences in, and my attempt to avoid metaphor just leaves me with a simile. I guess straight-forward is not my forte. Anyways, everywhere I look there is some experience or opportunity dancing before me. Today, for instance, I went to a café to study with some friends. I had a lovely cup of ginger twist tea (I DRINK TEA NOW!!) in a warm mug and was beautifully focussed on my work. After making good progress, I decided to take a walk, take in the fresh air (which honestly is not as plentiful as I would like—more on that later). Just a block or so down, I found this small room, white walls, door open. Of course, when I see an open door, I like Anna from Frozen must walk through it with love. Apparently, it was a small art gallery exhibiting a local San Franciscan artist.

I took my time with each piece, thinking about how the abstractions of brush strokes compile together to create a uniform shape that we can identify, recognize, and relate to. Meditative.

How obscure. How obscure it is that art can financially sustain its existence in a city where rent drives many people to the streets.

That’s another thing about San Francisco—there are so many contradictions. This is the city of tech startups and innovation. You can feel the focus in every café and staring up at Salesforce tower. But then, just blocks down, people are sleeping under the acidic rain. You can hike Twin Peaks and stand in awe as you see a city integrate with nature. Then, you walk the streets and find it difficult to breathe due to the smoke, weed, and general city smog. I suppose with any condensed mass of people, you get condensed experiences: more positive and more negative too.

So what does my day-to-day look like?

Well, it’s quite different every day. Recently, I’ve been staying in the dorms for classes, doing my school work for most of the day, and then going on a mini-adventure later in the evening. One place I tend to frequent is the piers. I walk a little over a mile straight and I end up staring across the bay, Oakland’s buildings being the closest taste to a starry night (thanks Carl and light pollution). I ponder to the rhythm of the current flowing by. When I’m there, I question every notion of reality. How am I existing here, in San Francisco, the city famous across the world? How am I privileged enough to be able to walk at a moment’s notice to a body of water where there are sea lions, the creature we only knew to be in aquariums? I fall into the cliché of “is this a dream” nearly every breathing moment.

How am I doing socially?

For context, I have not had to make serious friendships since I was in 6th grade. All of my closest friends before Minerva I’ve had for at least 3 years, many spanning 7+ years. I thought it would be difficult to find close bonds, but somehow I’ve fallen into some amazing friendships. I already feel like I have found a family here which is not something I expected. Growing up, I’ve often found a disconnect between caring deeply for someone and just being friends with them. I often was glad to have friends, but it wasn’t some astronomically valuable thing (for many people, not all). Here, I genuinely care so deeply about so many people. I adore their existence to the nth degree and cherish every moment I see their faces. Meeting these amazing people has also made me so more grateful for the bonds I’ve built back home too. Before, we were friends out of proximity and circumstance. Now, for my closest friends, I don’t think it’s about proximity anymore. I think there’s something more there. That excites me.

How is school going?

The workload is quite immense. I have hours of prework for each class, and despite my class schedule appearing light, we not only have pre-work, but we have extensive assignments, city experiences we need to complete, and civic projects (I don’t really feel like explaining all of this right now, but if you really desire more details, ask and I’ll answer [maybe]). What I’m finding is that I could just lock myself in my dorm room and dedicate all of my waking hours to assignments and classwork. Just because I could though, does not mean I should. I do prioritize my academics, don’t get me wrong, but at the end of the day, one grade will be forgotten, but a meaningful experience will stay with me indefinitely. I guess it comes down to that work-life balance.

So that is my very condensed very glossed-over look at where I have been these past two months. If you want more details to fill in your timeline of my life (lih), I encourage you to look at my Instagram which is more frequently updated, and my YouTube channel which is currently dead but will be revived when I actually have time to do any personal hobbies.

And that leaves me with… where am I going?

Well literally, I am going to be in San Francisco for the next 2 month-ish. Then I will be heading back home for winter break. At the break of the New Year, I will be in Seoul, South Korea. Hopefully, you hear from me here before then, haha (no promises).

Figuratively, I am going good places. I cannot recall a time in my life so far where I have felt so constantly overjoyed, grateful, and fulfilled. I am excited about my present and future. That is a really good thing to have. I am not going to take these moments for granted. No, I am not.

Until next time I write,

I hope everyone who reads this has an amazing day. I wish you to reflect on your life so far and see where you can fit some more time in for yourself and what makes you happy. I love you all, and to those I know personally, I am so grateful for your existence <3

-Stephanie